But has anyone documented any examples in video clips, showing positive teacher-student relationships and interactions in a classroom? Especially with hard-to-reach students?

Video clips…What a great way to teach teachers about classroom management!

Thanks,
Philip

TWLL isn’t a book to read once and toss. It’s not even a management “system” — but a way of thinking about the classroom that I have found so helpful. I too often fail at having the right stance, but it’s something to shoot for.

If you haven’t read it, I highly recommend it.

Taylor

I know in most cases the talk outside or the low voice to correct behavior is the most humane, however it does not always work – especially in the school I taught at for five years. This was a school were niceness is confused with weakness. At this school I never called home (mainly because no one cared what I had to say) and I NEVER held a detention because it seems like more of a punishment for me! Instead I created boundaries of how I will be treated and what is acceptable in the classroom. This kills me to admit but it works with middle schoolers and into high school, I over react, I use drama to reinforce these boundaries. It makes the infraction into a joke instead of me having to yell or take them aside and take up more time. A wide eyed loud, “OH YOU DID NOT!” usually got the “my bad Ms. Hull” response and then we got back to business. But there were times when I have gripped kids up or bent them over my desk and whispered in their ear, “if you ever throw anything else in my classroom again I will stick my foot so far up your ass it will come out your mouth.” This little bit of crazy in that school kept them guessing and also made them realize I will do what it takes to keep my classroom safe.

What it this creates is a space between the boundaries where it is okay to have fun, be silly, be serious about work, or put yourself out there with your own opinions. Students know they are safe in my classroom, I am the adult in control in every situation. This makes it possible to hand the classroom over to them and they begin to police each other, I don’t even have to do it. You know that you have this working when a look in their direction with a raised eyebrow corrects behavior. I am still working on this and have yet to perfect it. I have made BIG mistakes!

In my new school I come on too strong and look like a bully. I am trying to learn the balance at my new school. I will never forget making kids jump in there seats with a “YO!”. This made me feel bad, I don’t want to scare kids to death.

At the other end of this spectrum, each child knows that when they are in my care or my classroom, they are “my” child and I will do what I can to protect them and have a good experience. So underneath the gruff no nonsense they know I am a softy that has their best interests at heart.

Oh yeah, also an apology when I messed up in the past goes a LONG LONG way with kids.

Sorry this got so long! I think about balance and boundaries and powerful lessons all the time.

And for Pete’s sake — don’t take yourself too seriously! I have worked with teachers whose syllabi consisted of a few lines about the course and two pages about rules and consequences. As if anyone has enough time to deal with enforcing all those rules and doling out ever more severe consequences.

I’m a big Alfie Kohn fan and one of the things I tell my newbies when I’m working with them is that you can’t look at his stuff as absolute. But between Alfie and Harry Wong and the others who focus on relationships over the traditional rules/consequences structure in the classroom, I am confident that the right tools and literature are out there for those with the interest in creating a more student-centered environment.

Here is a LeaderTalk post I wrote on this issue from an administrative perspective.

Unfortunately I’m not sure how to describe that release to myself, much less anyone else.

I think you just did.

Have you read Teaching With Love and Logic? That question made me think of it instantly, as if it was one of the tag lines to get someone to purchase the book.

I don’t want to bore you with the details of it if you’ve already read the book, but I wish I had tossed out every other classroom management book I bothered to buy and read this one first.

In the past, I’ve been an effective disciplinarian in difficult populations. I kept a very counterbalanced system of rewards and punishments. I doled punishments out with a minimum of personal animosity – no sarcasm, no yelling, just a quick “step outside, I really need to talk to you for a sec” – and gave rewards with a maximum of enthusiasm. I rarely raised my voice.

It took a lot of invested time and lot of reflection on what hadn’t worked to get my management to that state, a lot of rumination on the question, “How can i discipline these kids while maintaining their dignity?”

What I’m trying to say is that it’s easy to pitch this as an either/or proportion but I’m worried about the area in between the extremes where it feels like you’re doing right, where it’s easy to dismiss Alfie Kohn as a salesman of feel-good.

I’m not sure at which point I became confident enough not to flinch when a student disrespected me, to laugh more and stare less, to cede the classroom back to the students and watch as they gave it back to me.

In other words, if either of you two + Frank and Miss! have any ideas how to take a good disciplinarian to a great one, I’d love to hear it ’cause I got nothing.

I oughtta check out the Kohn; maybe he does.